Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit Happens."
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it really isn't shit.
Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Mormon: This shit is going to happen again.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you are not good enough.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to US?!
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock-knock, shit happens
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time.
Christian Science: Shit is in your mind.
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.